I heard an expression the other day that stopped me in my tracks. It had the ring of a famous saying, although that turned out not to be the case. But more importantly, it had some real profundity. It said, simply, “Life ends in the middle of a sentence.”

Getting Your Life in Order

Life ending in the middle of a sentence basically means that the end of life is not tidy. And, I suspect, that is absolutely right.

The issue is essentially about getting – or not getting – your life “in order.” How many times have people spoken to you about this? It is one of those phrases that people start to use once they are over a certain age.

And those of us who have reached that certain age also begin to think about it. When the end comes, as it must someday, we want to be ready.

This sense of readiness can be about your mental state­ – making peace with yourself and others – or it can be about your things and your activities. It is the latter I want to address here.

Some people, may have already met this readiness goal. They will have carefully downsized both where they live and what they own.

In the process, they will have sorted all those old papers, with many thrown away and the important ones carefully organised. Their books will have been sorted and cut down to a minimum.

More significantly, they will have handed down all the precious memory-filled items that they wanted to ensure landed in the hands of a particular daughter or son. Or, perhaps, grandchild or, indeed, friend. They will have read through their last will and made sure it is in a safe place.

In sum, all that stuff that seems to accumulate over the years will have been substantially reduced. Everything will be in its place.

The process of ‘cleaning up’ after their demise will be easy. They will have left no mess behind. Congratulations are due.

Real Life

But is it really that easy? Can most of us be quite so fully organised? We may have tidy plans and a wish to do the right thing, but I question whether we can ever have such orderly lives. And, most importantly, would we wish to do so?

The image of everything being in its rightful place suggests that we have had our lunch, tidied up, put the plates away and are sitting quietly in an armchair waiting for the Grim Reaper to knock on the door.

In truth, life is not like that. We all have projects of one kind or another. For me, it is writing; for others it may be painting or knitting a special outfit for a grandchild or planning the next holiday.

Human beings don’t often put their feet up and wait. They get restless, they mooch around, and they get themselves stuck into something that interests them.

Even if they don’t have exact plans, they may well have dreams. This came home to me very vividly when I was looking after a man who was dying of AIDS roughly 30 years ago. We were writing a book together about living with AIDS and had become good friends.

He had done comparatively well, living longer than anyone expected, but his body was beginning to let him down. As someone active in the AIDS community, he was well aware of his situation. I helped him out where I could.

Among the errands, he asked of me was to post a letter, together with a coupon, to a company offering a free trip to the Caribbean to a lucky winner in several months’ time. I remember walking to the nearest post box wondering why I was doing this obviously pointless task.

But I knew that such dreams were part of what was keeping him alive. In fact, he died two weeks later.

My Own Experience

Although I would dearly love to know that my life was “in order,” I have not yet tackled this process. I keep thinking about downsizing, but like St. Augustine and chastity, I say, “Oh Lord, not yet.”

I have thrown away a lot of papers, given away many books, and made some lists that will make life easier for my children when they come to cope with my death.

But I have not yet moved from a large house, suitable for when my children were home, and still own a lot of things that should properly be moved elsewhere.

More importantly, I have numerous projects still to go. I am nearly finished with one book and am planning another. There are books I want to read.

My family photographs are in a mess and need to be sorted if those who remain behind want to know who was who. A long list of things To Be Done sits on my desk.

And there are aims for the future that will never get finished. I want to see my grandsons grow up and find out what they choose to do with their lives. If I live long enough, I will feel the same about any potential great-grandchildren. So, there is no end ever in sight.

We don’t stop until we are stopped. At that point, we will be in the middle of loads of things. There will always be a long To Do list. In short, we will be in the middle of a sentence.

And this is how it should be.

This was first published on SixtyandMe.com (see https://sixtyandme.com/getting-your-life-in-order-before-it-ends-too-soon-can-it-ever-be-accomplished/)

Time is a very strange phenomenon. For most of our lives, we don’t have enough. We struggle with children and jobs and housework and think “If only I had more time, I would get on with…” whatever it is we hope to do.

Even in our older years, days seem to disappear. It may be grandchildren instead of children and volunteer work instead of jobs, but there are still things we mean to do – but don’t. Or there are things we do, but feel we could do more of, if only there was more time.

It Doesn’t Feel Like There Is More Time Now

And here we are, presented with vast stretches of time, since the widespread shutdowns mean we are unable to do the things we used to. We cannot visit the grandchildren, never mind friends, and we cannot even get out for long.

Indeed, if we fall in a category labelled “old,” we are not supposed to do much. We are told to stay at home and keep healthy. Suddenly, there is loads of time.

But are we doing all these things we meant to do? For the most part, my guess is no. You meant to clean out the attic or sort out all those books, but those jobs have been forgotten for the moment.

Or perhaps you meant to learn Spanish or flower arranging or some other worthwhile past-time. It could all be done virtually, yet you probably haven’t. Or there were books you wanted to sit down to read.

You thought there would be loads of time. But somehow it doesn’t feel that way.

Where Does the Time Go?

So, where does our time go? Perhaps you have trouble sleeping and sleep late, as a result. There is the news that we need to keep up with. And your children phone frequently to check how you are, not to mention that long lost friend who rang yesterday morning and spent an hour discussing the virus situation.

Shopping is time consuming and often irritating, because stock isn’t there and people push in. Meals take longer, as you probably prepare it yourself, and then there is the news again.

And, of course, there is trying to keep healthy. In the UK, we are encouraged to have a short period of exercise outdoors, and I do try to get out, walking briskly in my quiet neighbourhood.

I also set myself the goal of running up and down the stairs every day – very good cardio work, but never done before. And I do some yoga on a mat at home. You may do different things.

Not to mention all the activities you undertake to try to lower anxiety and keep yourself calm. Some like jigsaw puzzles. Or adult colouring books. Some do gardening, even puttering about with plants in a flat. Some do actual meditation.

And before you know it, the day is done.

And it is the same the next day, with different permutations. Ground Hog day, as several people have observed. No time for getting on with all those other plans.

Being Unsettled

But time is not really the issue. The real problem is your state of mind. You are restless, you can’t settle. You are worried about elderly and vulnerable relatives.

You are worried about the impact of the economic changes on your financial situation – not to mention that of your children and their families.

Your emotions are running high, your mind lacks any clarity, and it is no time for getting things done. There is always tomorrow.

How do I know all this? I have talked to loads of friends and it is a common lament.

But I am also a writer. I write books where different kinds of people (including grandmothers) talk about their lives.

Writers need to be self-disciplined in order to produce their books. In normal times, they must be able to negotiate the distractions all around them, including their own family, to get down to work. They tend to put on invisible blinkers to get themselves in the right frame of mind to push out the words.

I recently posted a short note on two Facebook groups for writers (generally used to ask technical questions, as well as for support) saying I found it difficult to write in the last weeks.

I expected five or ten replies in both cases, at most. In fact, I received over 100 replies on each site from writers all over the world, almost all describing their inability to settle. And hating it.

If those of us who are used to coping with distraction can’t settle, what hope is there for everyone else?

Outliers

Of course, there will always be some who say, “What is all the fuss about?” They are clearing their attics or reading those long books and generally taking advantage of all this available time. Even writers managing to write. More power to them. They are the lucky ones.

But if you are not, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you have ‘lost’ a few weeks, it really doesn’t matter in the long term. Concentrate on what you can do. And most of all, you are not alone.

Postscript

Yes, it has been a difficult time. Some of us have lost loved ones. Almost everyone will emerge poorer for one reason or another. It will eventually be a greyer world – at least for a while.

But it will end. And then you may feel more at peace with yourself and be able to take advantage of free time. Even before that, some may even begin to see some glimpses of a calmer head. This article is the first I have produced in three to four weeks. But I am pleased to see that it is written.

And I hope it helps.

This was first published on SixtyandMe.com (see https://sixtyandme.com/about-time-can-we-ever-have-enough-of-it/)